Making Friends

Throughout school and my life now I have always struggled to make and keep friends.

Upon meeting someone for the first time I form a solid impression of that person in my head- whether it's right or wrong. I define who they are by reading every little detail of their body language, facial expressions, comments and looks and then I judge if we are compatible straight off. This unsurprisingly means that acquaintances stay acquaintance and they don't stay around long enough to be called a friend.

Those invisible social barriers rear their ugly head and I appear the introverted, glum-looking shy person that can't make small talk.

I was quite the loner at Infant school. I was lacking in fundamental social communication and play skills and I was not in ideal provision to help me develop them. Since a baby I would watch the world go by never understanding how to join in. As a young child, it never really occurred to me that I needed to communicate with new people. I managed to make one friend in Primary School but the minute someone 'better' came along I was once again alone and lost. After a very turbulent friendship with 2 girls in the later part of primary school I did manage to join a friendship group in secondary school but do I consider myself friends with them still? Perhaps only one who I see a few times a year.

I always find people don't 'get' me. I'm extroverted in a kooky, quirky immature fun way- think of Phoebe from the TV show, Friends. However, what the world sees is a anxious, blank faced quiet 'sensible' girl who keeps to herself. I've always seen myself as a mis-fit and it's only now in my late 20s where I'm able to relax in people's company.

I realise when I do talk to anyone and hold a conversation with them it's always one sided. I find it difficult to ask them questions. 'Hello, how are you?' is an introduction that I only started using when I started my first full time job at the age of 22!

I've always found people older than me easier to get on with. They ask questions and seem interested whereas many people my age don't have the patience to sit and listen.

When I was at school my mum would often organise play dates and I did a lot of hobbies but still found myself alone or without a partner to team up with unlike my sister who always had someone there for her. Nowadays I have all intentions to keep in contact but anxiety takes over stopping me from regularly meeting up with people. This being said I'm not a hermit; I do make myself go out. If it's alone I'll make conversation with a waiter or shop assistant. In a group I will often get lost in all the conversations around me (no thanks to Auditory Processing Delay) but I do make the effort. The more you come out of your comfort zone, the more you can do it! (It doesn't get any easier but at least you know what to expect and can plan ahead to some extent).

I'm now starting to join clubs and communities that have a younger demographic. There is so much out there but it is difficult to find out what I enjoy that other people my age do too. I've also been on a few single traveller trips abroad which I would highly recommend- they really aren't as scary as they sound and allow you to learn about the type of person you are without the constraints of your everyday life. You meet people from all across the world from different backgrounds who expose you to different ways of thinking and being rather than the person you've be brought up to be.

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Now that I have more time- I hope to post more regularly! If there is anything you'd like me to write about or if you have any comments or questions please get in touch!

Trisomy Grace

xxx